Increasing Kindness and Generosity With Strategic Praise and Modeling

Most parents report wanting to raise a kind and generous child. The keys to increasing kind and generous actions in children are strategic reinforcement and modeling, based upon an article in the New York Times.

Studies indicate that praise is more effective at increasing caring behaviors in children than rewards. Based upon a study by researchers Joan E. Grusec and Erica Redler, parents should praise their children's character when they engage in kind behaviors, rather than their actions. "Praising their character helped them internalize it as part of their identities. The children learned who they were from observing their own actions: I am a helpful person," according to the New York Times article. 

By comparison when a child engages in negative actions it is critical to focus feedback on the specific problematic behaviors, rather than the child's character. Communicating disappointment in a child's actions, how their actions impacted others, and how they can improve the situation is recommended. "The beauty of expressing disappointment is that it communicates disapproval of the bad behavior, coupled with high expectations and the potential for improvement: “You’re a good person, even if you did a bad thing, and I know you can do better,”" is a critical message according to the New York Times article. 

And finally, practice what you preach. Children "learn generosity not by listening to what their role models say, but by observing what they do." Children who observe adults acting generously are significantly more likely to be generous towards others. However, lower levels of generosity were found when adults preached generosity towards others while modeling less generous behaviors. 

To learn more read Raising a Moral Child at the New York Times.